James Potter doesn't want to talk about it. (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jamesopotter) wrote,@ 2009-07-17 15:19:00 |
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Private to Self.
She's dead. Sirius wouldn't have lied about that, and if there'd been any question in his mind he'd have brought it up. I should have been paying closer attention to what I've been reading. But it makes sense.
Why would Rodolphus Lestrange kill Marly but leave Remus unless she wasn't in on it? Maybe she found out?
It'd work. She was there. That's why I suspected her. But what if she wasn't IN on it? She was there, and then Remus left and I didn't come back. She suspected something was wrong and she was going to tell someone... and he killed her. Or he had her killed. And now he looks like the grieving widower and no one is looking at him. Sirius even said it... I needed to lay off because he was upset. He's playing him.
And fuck it, because Marlene didn't betray me. She wouldn't have. I was right. But then she's dead and it doesn't change that.
I almost wish that I didn't think there was anything after we died cause it would mean you hadn't been watching me lose it these past couple weeks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I said shitty things about you, but more sorry that I wasn't able to protect you from him. I'll do a better job with Sirius, I promise.
Say hi to Harlan for me, and Felicity and the rest of them. Agnes too. And try not to hate me too much, yeah? I can hear your voice sometimes at night... yelling at me. Telling me to stop this. And I don't think you'd have understood, no, I'm sure you wouldn't have understood, but maybe if I could have convinced you to come to the rehab centre you might have been able to change too.
We had it all wrong, Mars. One more generation and the McKinnons would really have been something. We'd have all been something. Me, you, Sirius, Harlan... It'd have been stellar and now it's all.
Gone.
She's dead. Sirius wouldn't have lied about that, and if there'd been any question in his mind he'd have brought it up. I should have been paying closer attention to what I've been reading. But it makes sense.
Why would Rodolphus Lestrange kill Marly but leave Remus unless she wasn't in on it? Maybe she found out?
It'd work. She was there. That's why I suspected her. But what if she wasn't IN on it? She was there, and then Remus left and I didn't come back. She suspected something was wrong and she was going to tell someone... and he killed her. Or he had her killed. And now he looks like the grieving widower and no one is looking at him. Sirius even said it... I needed to lay off because he was upset. He's playing him.
And fuck it, because Marlene didn't betray me. She wouldn't have. I was right. But then she's dead and it doesn't change that.
I almost wish that I didn't think there was anything after we died cause it would mean you hadn't been watching me lose it these past couple weeks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I said shitty things about you, but more sorry that I wasn't able to protect you from him. I'll do a better job with Sirius, I promise.
Say hi to Harlan for me, and Felicity and the rest of them. Agnes too. And try not to hate me too much, yeah? I can hear your voice sometimes at night... yelling at me. Telling me to stop this. And I don't think you'd have understood, no, I'm sure you wouldn't have understood, but maybe if I could have convinced you to come to the rehab centre you might have been able to change too.
We had it all wrong, Mars. One more generation and the McKinnons would really have been something. We'd have all been something. Me, you, Sirius, Harlan... It'd have been stellar and now it's all.
Gone.